he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
