please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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