I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
