That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
