At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
where does the pee come out of this thing
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
