I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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