At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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