I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
