I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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