at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
