Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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