Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
vagina is talking i cant
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
