Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
