i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you had me at cake vodka
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
