Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
