nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
