The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
