I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i wish my penis had a tongue
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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