I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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