I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
