It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
