i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
