Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
