Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
