all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
