Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
