bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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