I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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