How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
