u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
