Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
