dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
