oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
