The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you traded sex for a burrito?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
