guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
whose parrot is this?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
