I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
