If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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