I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
