Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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