Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
