if we break up, who will get the dealer?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
