Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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