i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
