I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
