apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Randomize
