I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
