He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
