You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think a kid would responsible me up
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
