I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
