$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
