I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She needs sedatives and a leash
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
