you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
