He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
