The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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