dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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